Example diagnoses
The language is intentionally playful. Here are six real diagnosis templates from the pool.
How Phone Therapist works
Every day, Phone Therapist runs a lightweight analysis over your most recent scan results. It looks at the counts and ratios that define your gallery's dominant character: percentage of screenshots, meme density, selfie runs, burst groups, blurry photos, downloads, and more. It then picks the diagnosis template whose trigger condition best matches your numbers.
The selection is deterministic — a daily seed (date + gallery hash) is fed into the template picker so you see the same diagnosis for the entire day, not a flickering one. A new seed kicks in at midnight local time on your next app open.
The 27 diagnosis templates
The template pool covers the full range of gallery archetypes: the screenshot hoarder, the meme custodian, the selfie perfectionist, the burst button enthusiast, the food documentarian, the concert historian, the pet parent, the travel collector, and so on. Every template has a trigger condition — a minimum count or ratio that must be true in your gallery for the template to be eligible for selection that day.
The templates are rewritten and expanded in app updates. The 50+ session note pool gives each diagnosis a rotating second line so the card never feels stale even when the diagnosis repeats.
Why Phone Therapist exists
Cleaner apps are typically joyless. The screen tells you how much junk you have, and your job is to feel bad about it until you tap Delete. Phone Therapist is the anti-thesis of that: it names your behavior with humor, not guilt. Users tend to screenshot the funniest diagnoses and share them in group chats, which is how MemeScanr ends up in front of new users without any paid acquisition.
Phone Therapist is not a mental health tool. It is jokes about your camera roll. The feature intentionally avoids any language that could be mistaken for actual therapy or diagnosis — and the "no judgement" framing is part of the voice guardrail inside the app.
Where to find Phone Therapist
The Phone Therapist card appears on the MemeScanr home tab under the storage orb. It is always present once you've run at least one scan. You can also re-roll the diagnosis during the day if you want to see a different template — re-rolls are rate-limited to prevent churning through the pool.
Phone Therapist FAQ
How does Phone Therapist work?
Phone Therapist runs a lightweight on-device analysis of your gallery once per day. It looks at counts of screenshots, memes, selfies, bursts, blurry photos, and other categories. It then picks one diagnosis template from a pool of 27 based on the dominant pattern and pairs it with a randomly selected session note joke.
Is Phone Therapist a real therapist?
No. Phone Therapist is a playful gallery analysis feature. It does not provide medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. It is jokes about your camera roll.
How often does the diagnosis change?
Phone Therapist picks a new diagnosis deterministically once per day. The same seed always produces the same diagnosis, so you see one stable diagnosis each day rather than a flickering one. The card refreshes on the first app open after midnight local time.
Does Phone Therapist upload my gallery stats?
No. Phone Therapist runs entirely on-device. The counts used to select a diagnosis are computed locally from your scan results and never leave your phone.
Is Phone Therapist free?
Yes. Phone Therapist is available on the MemeScanr free tier. No subscription required.